


Ready To Be With You

by minervra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minervra/pseuds/minervra
Summary: Lily can't concentrate on her classes anymore because she rather spends her time daydreaming about a certain Slytherin student with long blonde hair and a cute smirk on her lips. When Lily injures herself in a class she decides that she has to confide in someone but she quickly realizes that person isn't fit to give relationship advice since he didn't come to terms with his own feelings yet.
Relationships: Narcissa Black Malfoy/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	1. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the hogwartsonline OWLs event and for the prompt "Change".

The voice was fading to background noise when her mind zoned out and Lily started thinking about everything else but not what Professor Binns was talking about. Lately, in situations like this, she started daydreaming about a very specific scenario, in which she was confessing her feelings to a wonderful girl who was sitting just two benches away from her. The afternoon sun, that shone through the window on the side of the classroom, hit her hair perfectly and made the blonde highlights shine like molten gold. Narcissa rested her head on her one hand while taking notes with her other. She was facing away from Lily, who in return kept looking at her. The scenes she was imagining, in which she told Narcissa that she liked her, really liked her, always changed. Sometimes they were in an empty classroom, then on the castle grounds and other times they were in the middle of the great hall. Lily had to admit, that especially the last option was highly unlikely to ever happen and if she was completely honest with herself, she knew that she just had a stupid crush on a girl she’d never get. But Lily wasn’t going to deny herself the daydreaming and fantastic view while it lasted.

“Lily?” She heard a faint voice beside her. “Hey Evans!”

Lily snapped out of her imaginations and turned her head around. The rest of the students were already packing up their books and chatting away while leaving the classroom. She saw Narcissa grabbing her parchments while talking to a friend. Narcissa’s eyes darted up and for a split second they locked on Lily’s before the blonde witch turned away, a faint smile on her lips.

“Lily, come on!” Another voice appeared next to her and black curly hair came into her view as well.

“Sorry, guys!” She said absently to her friends. James and Sirius were waiting for her and shared a confused look while she was getting her books sorted.

“Okay, let’s go,” Lily said when she had finished packing and they left for their common room.

“Why so preoccupied today?” James asked her with a smirk. “Dreaming about a boy?” He teased her. Lily hit him with her elbow.

“Stop it, Potter!” She said. “I was dreaming about dinner later, I’m starving already!” And with that she walked off. Lily heard James and Sirius follow her and by the time they reached their common room they were directly next to her again.

“You know, I don’t believe you.” James said with a grin.

“And that’s entirely your problem,” Lily answered while stepping through the entrance. Upon walking into the room she immediately spotted a familiar figure sitting by the fireplace and reading a book.

“Remus,” Sirius exclaimed behind her and pushed past Lily to sit down next to their mutual friend. “We missed you in class today!”

Remus closed his book and smiled at the others. “And I enjoyed some quiet reading time,” He laughed.

“So you’re feeling better,” Lily asked and Remus nodded.

“Yes,” He said.

Lily had just recently been let in on the secret that Remus was hiding with the help of James, Sirius and Peter and from what she had heard, his transformation really took a toll on him every time it happened. She felt honored that Remus trusted her enough with this. “

Where is Peter?” James asked.

“Upstairs,” Remus replied. “He said, he needed a nap.”

“A nap would be amazing,” Sirius laughed. “But I don’t want to miss out on dinner.”

“You’re always hungry!” Remus shook his head and was smiling, too, his gaze lingering on Sirius.

When they arrived at the great hall for dinner later that evening Sirius and Lily couldn’t wait any longer. They had been complaining about being hungry for the past hour. As soon as they sat down both of them started to dig into the food that was being served.

“Pigs,” James commented which prompted Remus and Peter to laugh.

“Adorable pigs,” Sirius said with remnants of pumpkin pasties in his mouth. James grimaced at that and shook his head.

“When it’s tasty, I don’t care how I look while eating,” Lily explained and took another bite of her sandwich. “Besides, you have seen me in more dire conditions.”

James laughed. He remembered that morning she was referring to very clearly and the other boys did too. It had happened a few weeks ago during a potions class. Lily had been working on their assignment together with James and another girl from their year. Usually, working with Lily meant a good result but that day something had gone wrong. After the accident they hadn’t been sure anymore whose fault it had been, though Lily could swear she had seen James throw in way too much Abraxan hair. The result of which had been a minor explosion. Lily, who had been standing closest to the cauldron, had lost parts of her eyebrows and unfortunately also burned off the ends of her long hair. She had tried to cut her hair in order to have it the same length all around her head instead of randomly burnt off bits, but she hadn’t succeeded in growing back her eyebrows. That’s why she had been walking around with only half of her eyebrows and an awkward haircut. But Lily didn’t mind as much. When she remembered it now it was mostly funny to her. Although, she was a little sad and embarrassed that Narcissa had been in the same class that day and had seen Lily like that. But she couldn’t change it now anyways, so she grabbed another sandwich and continued eating.

“But what if that boy you like walks by?” Sirius insisted.

“Which boy?” Remus asked since he didn’t know what they were talking about.

“No one,” Lily said quickly.

“Today during class Lils was very absentminded and because she was staring at someone, we think she might have little crush on one of the boys in class.” James’ explanation wasn’t entirely wrong but Lily definitely wasn’t going to tell everyone that she had a major crush on Narcissa Black. She said nothing and just looked from one of her friends to the next.

“Okay, is it Thomas?” James suggested. “Or Marcus? Oh, oh Lily, or is it Lucius?”

The boys were wheezing, just Sirius seemed like his mood had shifted from being cheerful and teasing to moody and preoccupied. Lily shook her head.

“Stop it, you’re annoying!” But she had to laugh at how her friends were trying to guess who she had a crush on. While she was putting a slice of cucumber that had fallen out of her sandwich into her mouth she caught a glimpse of a certain someone. Narcissa was walking down the Great Hall to the Slytherin table, greeting some of her fellow students on the way. For a second she looked over to the Gryffindors and to Lily, who was staring back, cucumber in hand. Hastily, she put down the cucumber and turned her face away. James and Peter were arguing over another Slytherin boy.

“As if she likes that weird guy,” James said.

“You never know! Girls sometimes have a weird taste in boys,” Sirius suddenly chimed in again and glanced at Remus before turning to Lily. “Do you have a crush on that guy Severus? Didn’t you use to hang out with him?”

She nodded.

“WHAT?” James shouted and some other students turned their heads over to them. “What?” he repeated a bit quieter.

Lily shook her head then, trying to swallow the bite of her sandwich quickly because she wanted to clarify that she definitely didn’t have a crush on Severus.

“What now?” Sirius asked and furrowed his brows.

“Now let her be” Remus interjected. Lily finished her bite and smiled at Remus.

“Thank you! At least one somewhat sensible person here!” she exclaimed. “No, I don’t have a crush on Severus but yes, we used to hang out sometimes but recently, I don’t know, it’s different.”

“In what way?” Remus asked.

“Just his behavior. He has changed. I don’t enjoy spending time with him as much anymore.”

“Well, I told you looked weird,” James said. Lily shot him a glance.

“You, James Potter, should stop bullying others for their looks. Especially, when you look like the last time you used a brush for your hair was two years ago.” She tossed her sandwich back onto the plate and looked at every one of her friends. Sirius started to laugh and ruffled James’ hair.

“She is right, your hair is a mess.”

“Says you!” James replied and started to laugh as well.

Lily exchanged a look with Remus.

“Idiots,” she smiled.

The next day Lily couldn’t concentrate in class at all. She was thinking of how embarrassing her behavior had been the evening before. But Narcissa had looked at her and noticed her at least. She smiled while she was cutting bitterroot for the potion they were preparing. She was working next to a table with Slytherin students – including Narcissa Black. Lily glanced over to them when she heard the soft laugh of the blonde witch. They were giggling about something. Not paying attention to what she was doing she didn’t notice that she was cutting too close to her fingers until it was too late. A sudden pain shot through her hand and warm liquid started to stream out of the wound.

“Miss Evans!” Professor Slughorn exclaimed when he saw the blood on his student’s hand while observing his class. Quickly, he walked over to her.

“It’s okay, Professor,” Lily said hastily when she noticed the other students staring at her. Professor Slughorn looked at her hand up close.

“No, Miss Evans, that is a deep cut! It’s better to go see Madam Pomfrey. We don’t want you bleeding into your Burning Bitterroot Balm.”

He ushered her out of the classroom and Lily felt James looking at her intensely. When the door closed behind her Lily sighed. She was really making a fool out of herself in front of everyone – and just because she couldn’t stop thinking about Narcissa. Slowly she made her way to the hospital wing. First the explosion and now the cut. This had to stop or else she might fall of her broom during the next flying lesson and really hurt herself.

After the classes were over for the day Lily avoided James because she didn’t feel like talking to him. He would just pester her with questions she didn’t want to answer. Instead Lily had been looking for Remus for a while now. He would not judge her. When she finally found him sitting in a corner of the library she hesitated. Lily knew that all of the boys could keep secrets or else the whole school would already know of Remus’ and she knew he trusted her since he let her in on his secret. Still, she was unsure if she should burden him with her childish problem. But he was the one she felt the most comfortable with talking.

Remus was studying with several books open and scattered around the desk in front of him. Quietly, Lily approached him. His eyes darted up to her when he noticed the witch standing next to him. “Hi,” she whispered, very well aware that Madam Pince would magically appear next to them if she was just one decibel too loud in her sacred library.

“Hello Lily,” Remus replied, his voice sounded surprised. He made room for her on the bench next to him so she could sit down.

“It’s alright, I was just wondering if we could go to Hogsmeade later?”

Remus gave her questioning look but nodded. “Sure, just let me finish this assignment. Let’s say in about 45 minutes?”

Lily smiled. “Great! See you then!”

She turned around and left the library leaving a puzzled Remus behind. They were friends, very good friends, but usually they all hung out together or at least not in pairs. He decided to shrug it off and rather focus on his essay. He would find out soon enough what this was about. After all, they all had noticed Lily’s rather strange behavior in the past weeks.

Exactly 45 minutes later the two met in front of the big gates leading out of the castle.

“Thanks for making time for me,” Lily said as they started to walk onto the grounds.

“Sure,” Remus replied. “Though it was kind of surprising that you asked me.”

Lily glanced at him.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you and usually James, Sirius and Peter hang around and right now I don’t want them involved.”

“That sounds rather serious,” Remus stated and sounded concerned. Lily smiled and shook her head.

“No, it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just – I don’t know – I think I need to tell someone about it.” She sighed and looked up to the cloudy sky. The cold air filling her lungs felt good and made her calm down and bring peace to her chaotic thoughts and feelings.

“James told me you cut your hand in class?” Remus gestured to the bandage on her hand. Lily looked angry. What else did she expect from James? Of course, did he tell his friends about her accident in class.

“Yes, I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing,” she admitted quietly.

“Seems like that happens a lot more often recently.” Remus raised his eyebrows. Lily stopped walking and huffed. They were standing in the middle of the pathway leading down to Hogsmeade.

“Yes, it does! That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

Remus gave her a questioning look. “Oh, okay?” he wondered.

“Lately I can’t think straight. My mind always wanders to other things instead of paying attention in class. I didn’t want to talk to any of my girl friends because I think they would turn it into big drama,” Lily explained and added after a short moment. “And also because they are no good at keeping secrets.”

“You want me to keep this a secret?” Remus asked.

“Yes, please! At least for now.”

“Of course. I won’t tell anyone. Are you going to explain what this is about?” Remus hoped that Lily wasn’t going to tell him what he was expecting her to tell him. That would mean that he had to break her heart and he really didn’t want to do that. Mentally, Remus prepared himself for exactly that scenario.

Lily turned away from him because she felt like it was easier to explain it when she wasn’t looking directly at Remus. She had to admit, that she felt uncomfortable talking about her feelings because saying it out loud made it true. In her head it still felt unreal and far away but that was about to change.

“As you and the others might have guessed I have feelings for someone,” Lily said. Remus looked at her, eyes wide. He was shocked and anxious that his fear would become true.

“Lily, I- “ He began but was interrupted.

Lily just quickly wanted to say it, get it over with.

“And the thing is I’ve never had feelings for a girl before and that makes it a bit confusing for me.”

“You have a crush on a girl?” Remus had to admit he was relieved but at the same time he knew that it must be hard for Lily to accept those feelings. After all it took himself a long time to come to terms with the fact he was in love with a boy who would probably never like him back.

“Yes, Remus. And do you know what makes it even worse? I’m in love with Narcissa Black.”

Lily looked at her friend. Her eyes were searching his face for a negative reaction, but he just didn’t say anything for a moment. Then his lips turned into a smile.

“Love isn’t always easy and you can’t just switch off your feelings. It’s fine, Lily.” He took a step closer to her and pulled her into an embrace. Lily closed her eyes and hugged Remus.

“Thank you! It means a lot!” She pulled back and look at her friend. “And it feels better to have talked to someone about it.”

“I’m glad,” Remus said. “And you can always come to me if you need to talk. Shall we go for a butterbeer now?”

“Yes, absolutely! Also, I have to come up with a plan to stop messing up in class!” Lily laughed and she and Remus continued their walk down to Hogsmeade.

“Have you thought about just telling her? I know, I know, it’s hard and I’m a hypocrite here because I never told my crush that I like them, especially not when I think that they don’t like me back. But it’s probably the easiest way to find out for sure.”

“Easy?” Lily exclaimed. “It’s not easy at all. Narcissa barely acknowledges me, and when she did I had a piece of cucumber in my face and then hurt myself in class.”

“Do you have a better plan?” Remus asked and opened the door to the Three Broomsticks when they finally had arrived.

“Not really,” Lily replied and started to look for an empty table for them. Remus followed her to a small one in the back she had spotted.

“I’ll get us two butterbeers,” Remus said after hanging his jacket over the seat and then walked over to the bar to order. There weren’t many students sitting at the tables since it was exam season and therefore the library was unusually crowded instead of the Three Broomsticks.

“Thank you,” Lily smiled when Remus came back and placed a butterbeer in front of her. She took a sip from the drink.

“Mhhm,” she made. “Ao you mentioned that you never told your crush you liked them. You never mentioned anyone.”

“Oh, don’t try to make this about me,” Remus said and even though he put on a smile his voice sounded slightly cold and unhappy.

“Sorry,” Lily said and looked down onto her hands. She didn’t intend to hurt Remus.

“Want to know why I came to talk to you then?” She offered in an attempt to change the topic. Remus raised is eyes to meet hers.

“James and Sirius are always so loud – don’t get me wrong, they are good friends – but I don’t feel like they would really understand this, especially James. I was afraid that he would make fun of me or think that it’s a joke. James and Sirius aren’t much for listening, rather jump to the action right away. And Peter, well, he keeps to himself a lot, I don’t know if I could talk to him. But I trust you, Remus. You’re a good listener and ever since that one night I know I can trust you because I know that you trust me.”


	2. Trust and Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is up and this time we get some insight into Lily and Remus' friendship.

_Lily looked from one boy to the next. Their behavior was very odd but she had gotten used to it. Every month all four of them would have sudden plans together. In the beginning she had asked them what was going on but she had learned that she wouldn’t get a true answer. James usually said that they were just hanging with the boys, and she used to believe him in the beginning but then she noticed that the meeting happened every single month. Whenever she had asked again, Sirius had made up exciting excuses. Last time he had explained that they were going hunting for unicorns in the forbidden forest. Peter wouldn’t say anything at all and Remus would just tell her that she shouldn’t worry. She did worry, though, because she knew the four of them liked to get all caught up in some mischief and she didn’t want them to get into serious trouble._

_Lily told herself that she had to accept their privacy, but she had to admit that she was also hurt, that the boys didn’t seem to trust her well enough to include her into their plans. She sighed and turned over her parchment on which she was writing an essay for herbology class. All five Gryffindor students were sitting together in the common room, everyone more or less concentrated on doing their homework. After a while James stood up._

_“It’s time,” He announced. Remus nodded and he, Sirius and Peter followed James._

_“Good night, Lils,” Sirius said when he turned to walk over to where the portrait of the Fat Lady was concealing the entrance to the Gryffindor tower._

_“Night,” Lily replied without looking up. She knew she wouldn’t see the boys again until the next day and most likely they would miss breakfast – they usually did after their late-night adventures - and maybe even first period as well._

_When Sirius, Remus, James and Peter were standing in the corridor in front of the Fat Lady James turned to Remus._

_“Lily feels like we’re hiding something from her, don’t you think?”_

_“And Lily is right, we are hiding something from her,” Sirius replied instead of Remus._

_“But she probably feels excluded and I mean, she did become an important part of our friend group.” When James saw the unmoving faces of the others he sighed. “I’m just saying that maybe – sooner or later – we could include her more?”_

_“I think that is Remus decision and his alone!” Sirius voice was a bit harsher than he intended to sound.  
Remus smiled a bit. “I appreciate your concern, Sirius. I will think about it.”_

_“Ahh maybe we should go?” Peter said quietly and pointed to the other end of the corridor where footsteps could be heard._

_“Yes, good idea!” James grabbed his Invisibility cloak tighter and marched into the opposite direction and away from whoever was walking towards them. The other boys followed quickly._

_Lily stayed up a bit longer and after she had finished her homework she continued to read the novel she had started a few days earlier. Shortly before midnight she noticed that the fire had burned down and that she was the only student left in the common room. Sleepily, she made her way upstairs to the dorms. She couldn’t wait to see her friends again the next day._

_As expected Lily didn’t see James, Sirius, Remus or Peter at breakfast and when she arrived for their first class of the day she was sure, that the boys’ seats would remain empty, too. She sat alone on a bench in the second row and was looking at Professor McGonagall who was about to start the class when the door to the classroom opened and all four Gryffindor students shuffled in._

_“Well, now that Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Lupin honor us with their presence as well we can finally start!” Professor McGonagall said and eyed them suspiciously. They looked exhausted, bags under their eyes, which they barely managed to keep open. Quickly they walked over to their usual seats and got out their books. James, who sat right next to Lily, rested his head on his hand but every now and then he fell asleep only to be woken up again by his chin slipping off the palm of his hand._

_“Mr. Potter!” Professor McGonagall snapped when she noticed James dozing off for the third time in ten Minutes._

_“I expect you to maintain a sleeping schedule that allows you to stay awake during my class!”_

_“Will do,” he replied. “I will try to move my sleeping into Professor Binns class then.”_

_The other students laughed and Lily couldn’t avoid a slight chuckle either._

_“Ten points from Gryffindor because Mr. Potter obviously still hasn’t learned not to make rude remarks.” Professor McGonagall said and turned around to bewitch the little piece of chalk and make it write on the board for her. James could’ve sworn that he saw a little twinkle in McGonagall’s eyes._

_After the class they walked down to the greenhouses together._

_“You look dead,” Lily said to James who was almost sleeping while walking._

_“Hmm,” was all he could reply. The other boys weren’t much more talkative._

_Lily really wanted to ask about the previous night again but in their current state that was no use. They carried on and dragged themselves through the day that felt like a year to the sleep deprived boys._

_That very evening Lily was sitting in the common room again and proof-read the essay she had written. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus had said good-night to her right after their dinner and gone up to their dorms. Lily didn’t expect anyone to disturb her and almost shrieked when she heard someone say her name._

_“Remus?” She called out when she noticed him standing on the other side of the table she was sitting at. Her heart was beating fast from the little shock she had gotten._

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said. Remus still looked very tired, even a little sickly. Lily wondered what had happened to him._

_“It’s fine. Do you want to sit?” She moved her books from beside her onto the table and Remus sat down on the sofa next to her._

_“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he started and Lily noticed that he was nervous and kept fidgeting with his fingers._

_“Of course, what is it?” She said calmly._

_“Obviously, you have noticed that the others and I always leave for one night each month and whenever you asked us, we didn’t answer you truthfully. It is a bit more, well, complicated than you might think.” Remus took a deep breath before he continued and it became clear to Lily that it wasn’t easy for him to tell her whatever it was._

_“You don’t have to say it if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” Lily offered but Remus shook his head._

_“No, I want to tell you. I-, we trust you. And I learned that people don’t leave me automatically when they know the truth: Have you noticed that whenever we leave it is a full moon?”_

_“No.” Lily hadn’t noticed at all. She frowned upon hearing his words._

_“You see,” he held his breath. “I’m a werewolf. And James, Sirius and Peter accompany me every full moon when I transform.”_

_There. It was out. Remus looked at Lily, anxiously awaiting her reaction. When the other boys hat found out, their reaction had been supportive and even though he had been sure that Lily would be understanding there was this tiny bit of fear that she might turn him away._

_Lily needed a few seconds to comprehend what she had just heard but then she put a hand on Remus’ arm and gave him a smile._

_“I understand. That’s awfully kind of them to keep you company!”_

_Relief rushed trough him. “Yes, it is. There is more: James, Sirius and Peter learned how to become Animagi, so it’s easier for us when I transform.”_

_“They did what? That’s…forbidden!” Lily said but then she laughed a little. “How did they manage that?”_

_She couldn’t imagine that those chaotic boys would be disciplined enough to commit to learning a complex transfiguration like that. But the again she knew how much their friends meant to them – their found family._

_“I was surprised as well when they told me they wanted to become Animagi. It took them a while to master it and they enlisted Professor McGonagall to help them.”_

_“Do all the teachers know about this?” Lily wanted to know. The more people knew a secret, the higher the risk of revealing it._

_“No, not all of them. Dumbledore knows, of course, and Madam Pomfrey. She used to bring me to the Shrieking Shack. Well, and Professor McGonagall.”_

_“This must be very hard for you, I’m glad you have people around you who are supportive!”_

_“I was very scared that someone would find out what I was trying to hide all my life and that I would never have friends because of it. When I met Sirius, James and Peter and the four of us became close friends I didn’t want them to know because I thought that they would leave me. But they noticed that I was hiding something and they obviously noticed the scratches and bites I gave myself whenever I transformed isolated in that shack to keep me from harming anyone. Those transformations were particularly painful. And sure enough, the others had figured it out by our second year here. To my surprise they didn’t desert me but came up with the plan to become Animagi to keep me in check when I transforemd. They meet me in the Shrieking Shack and keep me company. I’m much calmer when I’m with them and we sometimes even wander around the grounds.” When Remus finished his explanation he looked at Lily and waited for her to say something. He was caught off guard when Lily leaned forward and pulled him into a hug._

_“Thank you for trusting me with this!” She whispered, her face right next to his. “Your secret is safe with me and if you ever need something you can come to me.”_

_“Thank you, Lils. I appreciate it, I really do.” Remus smiled. “I’m glad I have such amazing friends.”_

\---

After they had finished their butterbeer Remus and Lily made their way back to the castle. It was getting dark already and the temperature must have dropped a few degrees. When they reached the Gryffindor tower they were freezing and looking forward to sitting down by the warm fire in the common room. As they arrived they spotted Sirius, James and Peter sitting around a game of wizard’s chess. They all looked up when Remus and Lily approached them.

“Hey,” Lily greeted them and Remus moved one of the armchairs closer to the fire.

“Where have you two been?” Sirius wanted to know and his voice sounded less lighthearted than usual.

“We went down to Hogsmeade and had a butterbeer,” Remus explained and seemed to not notice the glance that Sirius shot Lily before he lowered his gaze and focused on the chess board in front of him.

“I see,” he mumbled.

Lily waited for one of the boys to react to Sirius weird moodiness but no one said a word. James was exasperated when Sirius made a good move and Peter tried to give them advice on their tactics.

“Well, I’m going upstairs and change before dinner. See you then!” Lily said into the room.

“Sure, see you later,” said Remus who had settled down in an armchair and was warming his hands on the fire. Lily left the boys and thought about what Remus had mentioned earlier in Hogsmeade. He had said that he had never told his crush that he liked them because he thought that they didn’t like him back. What if they did, though, and Remus just didn’t notice? And what if _they_ was Sirius Black?

\---

The next days went by and since Lily still didn’t know what to do about her feelings for Narcissa she had decided to focus on finding out what was going on between Remus and Sirius. And her first attempt at that involved talking to James and Peter about it. The hardest part was catching James alone. He was always hanging out with at least one other friend. Only Peter or Remus liked to spend time alone sometimes. She knew Peter would go outside to study if the weather was good enough and that day it was cold but sunny. Lily had gotten out her winter coat already and made her way down to the Great Lake where she had spotted Peter immersed in a book.

“Hi, Peter,” she said softly because she didn’t want to startle him.

“Lily?” Peter was surprised to see her. Usually, she only hung out with him when the other boys were around, too.

“Sorry if I disturb you.” Lily sat down beside him and peered at the cover of the book he was holding. It was on advanced transfiguration.

“It’s okay,” Peter said and looked at her expectantly.

“Ah yes, I wanted to ask you something. Have you noticed that Sirius was a bit moody the other day?”

“Isn’t he always moody?” Peter said and chuckled a bit. “I mean, yes I noticed it, too. He is a bit more grumpy than usual. Especially, because he usually teases us and makes jokes but he’s gone quiet lately, even when he’s with us.”

Lily nodded. It was interesting to hear that Sirius’ behavior had changed even when he was around his closest friends. 

“And do you know if something has happened?” She asked.

Peter shook his head. “No, not that I know of. I mean, I saw him have an argument with Narcissa the other day but he didn’t mention anything out of the ordinary. Not that his family issues are ordinary, but you know what I mean. His mother is quite a handful.”

Yes, Lily knew that Sirius relationship with his family wasn’t very good. He only went home for the summer holidays but stayed at Hogwarts for the rest of the schoolyear. She couldn’t help but wonder why he had had an argument with Narcissa.

But instead of annoying Peter any longer she got up quickly.

“Thank you!” She said and then made her way back to the castle.

Right when she turned around a corner in the entrance hall to get to the staircase she almost ran into someone. Someone called Narcissa Black.

“Oh, sorry!” Lily said rapidly. The other witch just smiled lazily.

“Lily Evans. You cut yourself in potions class, didn’t you?” She said and clicked her tongue.

“Yeah,” Lily replied slowly. That was just fantastic, of course Narcissa remembered _that_ of all things. At least she didn’t mention the cauldron explosion from a few weeks ago or the cucumber incident.

“Hmm, see you tomorrow in class then,” she said and with a smirk. “Hopefully, you won’t get yourself killed then.”

And with that she walked past Lily, who turned around to watch her walk into the daylight outside. Before Lily could move her eyes away Narcissa looked behind her and caught the Gryffindor witch staring at her. Lily felt heat rise in her cheeks and quickly strode up the stairs.

To keep herself from dwelling on how embarrassed she had felt when Narcissa had brought up the potions class incident, Lily focused on what she was going to say when she talked to James. She was hoping that she would find him sitting alone in the common room but most likely Sirius would be with him. Lily had to find a way to catch James alone.

As she stepped through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor tower, though, Sirius was nowhere to be seen and James was chatting with some of his Quidditch teammates. It seemed like Lily was lucky. With a cheerful smile on her face she approached them.

“Hey,” she said gleefully.

“Lils!” James exclaimed happily. His teammates chimed in and greeted her as well.

“Actually, could I ask you something?” Lily said and when James didn’t react right away she added: “Alone?”

James smile dropped. “Is something the matter?” His voice sounded concerned.

“Oh no, nothing bad happened. It’s just – “ She glanced over to the other Quidditch players who had gone silent. Then she pointed her head to two empty chairs near the window.

“Well, can we talk? It won’t take long.”

“Of course,” James stood up. “See you later, mates!” He said goodbye and walked over to the chairs with Lily. “How can I help you then?”

“It’s about Sirius,” she explained. But before she could even elaborate on the matter James eyebrows went up.

“Ahhh, I see!” He said.

Lily was surprised by his reaction. He couldn’t know that she was trying to find out if there was something going on between Remus and Sirius, could he?

“You do?” She asked shyly.

“He’s been very moody lately. That’s what you mean, right?

“Yes. Do you know why?”

“Well,” James hesitated before answering and looked out of the window onto the Hogwarts grounds. Then his eyes moved back to her.

“I shouldn’t be saying this but since it involves you as well, I think... Don’t tell Sirius, though?”

“Okay,” Lily nodded. That was not what she expected to hear. How could she be involved?

“You see, Sirius family isn’t easy to deal with. He wants to break off ties with them but it’s hard on him. Usually, he would talk to Remus about it but recently he came to me more often. When I asked him why he said, he didn’t feel like he could talk to him in the same way anymore. It turns out, he might have a crush on Remus and feels awkward around him, since the two of you are, well - are you seeing each other?”

Lily stared at him, mouth agape.

“What?” That was not what she thought would be the reason behind Sirius behavior.

“We are not dating. Just because we went to Hogsmeade the other day?”

“Oh,” James said. “I think because you started to spend more time together and then it became clear you had a crush on someone. But if you are not dating then…”

“Actually, let me tell you what’s been going on. I went to Remus because, yes, I do have a crush one someone and that someone is Narcissa.” The words flooded out of Lily’s mouth faster than she could think.

“Narcissa? As in Sirius’ cousin Narcissa?” Now it was James’ who started at her in disbelief.

Lily looked down at her hands and nodded.

“And that’s not all,” she continued. “When I spoke to Remus about it he mentioned, that he regretted not telling his crush about his feelings. I mean, I have no evidence but what if he feels the same about Sirius?”

James thought about it for a while.

“We should talk to them about it. They need to sort it out.”

“Let me speak to Sirius. There is something else I want to ask him about,” Lily said.

“You mean someone else,” James said then. “Narcissa of all people!”

Lily looked at his face and was relieved when she saw he was smirking.

“Make her your girlfriend in time for the Yule Ball,” he added and stood up from his seat.

Lily smiled. Yes, that would be fantastic.


	3. Kiss me like you wanna be loved

The next day when Lily, James, Remus, Sirius and Peter arrived in the dungeons for potions class. They all sat down around one of the tables and awaited the start of the lesson. At the table across of them Narcissa and her two friends were seated. James gave her a smirk when he noticed Lily looking over to the Slytherins.

“Well, hello dear students. In todays’ lesson you will brew a Strengthening Solution. Please work in pairs,“ Professor Slughorn explained and started to walk around the classroom to oversee them getting out their ingredients and cauldrons. Lily turned around to the boys at her table. They were an uneven number which meant one of them had to look for another partner. James who was sitting right next to her leaned over.

“Narcissa and her friends are only three. They need one more,” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Lily began but was interrupted by Professor Slughorn who had suddenly appeared in front of their table.

“Ah, Miss Evans,” he said. “I see your hand healed up nicely.”

Lily nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Very well,” Professor Slughorn said and took in the sight of the boys slouching on their chairs. Then he turned around and gestured with one hand over to where Narcissa and her two friends were chatting.

“Miss Evans, if you would be so kind to work with Miss Black for this class. It seems like Mr. Rosier is missing today.”

“He is ill, sir. Madam Pomfrey is keeping him in the hospital wing,” Narcissa, who had overheard their conversation, explained and moved over to the other side of the large square table.

“I see,” Professor Slughorn replied, then he turned around and looked at Lily again. “Well, let’s get to work!”

Lily picked up her bag and walked over to where Narcissa was already putting out her cutting board and scale. That was not how Lily had expected this lesson to go. She wasn’t prepared to be working with – and talking to – Narcissa for over an hour. She put her things down and smiled awkwardly. “Hi,” she said quietly.

Narcissa smirked. “Shall I cut our ingredients or can you be trusted with a knife today?”

Lily went red. Her cheeks were positively burning up. “I-,” she began. “It’s okay, I think.”

“You think?” Narcissa asked and her eyebrows went up. When she noticed Lily’s horrified face she chuckled and held out the knife to her.

Lily took it and started chopping up some bitterroot while Narcissa started to ground Griffin claws into a fine powder.

“You’re friends with my cousin,” Narcissa said suddenly and looked up from the Griffin claws in her bowl.

“Yeah, I am,” Lily replied. “Why?”

“Oh, it’s just…I talked to him the other day and he was in a very bad mood.” Narcissa started to gather up all their ingredients. With a flick of her wand Lily ignited a fire underneath their cauldron. She remembered that Peter had told her about an argument between Narcissa and Sirius.

“He is a bit moody lately,” Lily said and hoped that her voice sounded casual.

“Do you know why?” Narcissa asked and Lily didn’t know if she could reply truthfully. Eventually, she just nodded.

“At least I think so,” she added and looked at Narcissa awaiting her reaction. But she remained quiet for a while and stirred their potion.

“We had an argument about it. I’m one of the few people who know it but it’s really hard for him to come to terms with it since our families wouldn’t accept it. I told him…” She trailed off as though she changed her mind. Lily wondered if they were talking about the same thing but she didn’t want to press her but she couldn’t deny that she really wanted to know what it was that Narcissa and Sirius had argued about. Before she could say anything Professor Slughorn walked past them and checked if their potion was still looking as it was supposed to be.

“Well done, Miss Black and Miss Evans. 10 points for each of you!” He said after inspecting the liquid inside their cauldron.

“Thank you, Professor,” Narcissa said politely and Lily smiled at their teacher. 

“This was a very successful lesson, no cauldron exploded,” Professor Slughorn continued. “Many of you completed brewing the Strengthening solution. Please full a vial and hand it in. Class dismissed.”

The students started packing up and cleaning their utensils.

“Well, you’re not too bad,” Narcissa said when they made their way to the exit of the classroom.

Lily smiled. “It was good to work with someone who isn’t as chaotic as the boys,” she said.

Narcissa laughed at that. “Oh, I can imagine. I know how Sirius can be after all.”

“About that,” Lily started. “Could you resolve it? The argument, I mean.”

Narcissa carefully thought about her next words. “More or less. I asked for advice. He told me what I should do but since he doesn’t follow his own advice we had a, let’s say, disagreement.”

“I see, should I –?” But Lily was interrupted by Narcissa’s friends showing up beside her.

“Are you coming, Cissa?” One of them asked.

“Sure,” Narcissa replied smiling. “See you around, Evans.” She said directed to Lily who just smiled before the Slytherins left the classroom.

“So how did it go?” Lily heard James‘ voice behind her.

“It was good, “ Lily replied simply and started to walk out the door. She wasn’t feeling like talking, she needed to clear up her thoughts.

\---

That afternoon Lily walked around the castle searching for Sirius. He had been very quiet all day and hadn’t joined them in the common room after lunch. When she was searching the grounds she saw someone walk up the stairs to the owlery and that person looked a lot like Sirius. Lily started to run and called out to him.

“Sirius?” She shouted. He turned around and waited for her to reach him.

“Sorry,” she panted. She was surprised to see no smirk on Sirius face. He didn’t even tease her for her bad fitness.

“What?” He asked moodily.

“I need to talk to you,” Lily said. “It’s about Remus.” She decided to mention Remus first because she thought that would get him to pay attention. To her dismay, though, Sirius shrugged and turned to continue up the stairs.

“What’s the matter with Remus?” His voice was icy. Lily followed him.

“It’s about what he told me the other day. I think it’s important you know.”

“And why do you think that interests me?” Sirius snapped.

Lily was silent for a moment. She had only ever seen Sirius be angry like that when his family had been concerned.

“I-,” she broke off and sighed.

“Listen, it’s okay Lily. You don’t have to explain anything. I don’t care.” Sirius said and almost sprinted up the remaining stairs to the top floor of the Owlery. Lily followed him slowly. She thought about what she could say next but her mind was racing and she couldn’t think straight.

“I think you do care a lot,” she blurted out. “Or else you wouldn’t behave like that. Really? Just because I went to Hogsmeade with him?”

“Sorry?” Sirius stared at her. Then he laughed dryly. “Oh, go to Hogsmeade with Remus, go to the Yule Ball with him. Whatever.”

“I don’t think he would like that,” Lily said and smiled when Sirius turned around to face her a questioning look in his eyes.

“This whole story involves another person, actually,” Lily started to explain. “Your cousin, Narcissa.”

“What does she have to do with it?”

“When I went to Hogsmeade with Remus it was because I wanted to talk to him alone. I was hoping to get some advice because…” She dreaded saying the next words. “Because I have a slight crush on Narcissa, might be a big crush actually.” Lily had said that last sentence so quickly that she was slightly out of breath.

Sirius just stared at her. Since he didn’t say anything, Lily continued.

“While I talked to him, Remus mentioned that he regretted not coming clean to his crush about his feelings and then I noticed your behavior when we got back to the common room together. I started to count one and one together and, well, I might also have asked James and Peter about it.” This time she mumbled the last few words.

“You all talked about me behind my back?” Sirius said angrily.

“No, I was just concerned,” Lily said quickly and tried to calm him down. “And I wanted to help. James said, that you all thought that me and Remus were, I don’t know, seeing each other. When I heard that I wanted to tell you that that isn’t the case at all. In fact, I think Remus likes someone else. You.”

“You don’t know that.” Anger had turned to sadness and Sirius walked over to one of the windows where an owl was sitting and looking out over the castle grounds.

“I don’t know that for sure. But I’m sure about one thing. Remus doesn’t like me that way and I’m the idiot who fell for Narcissa.”

For a moment both of them stood there silently and listened to the rustle of wings around them. Then Sirius smirked at her.

“Did James or Peter tell you about the argument I had with Narcissa?” He asked. Lily nodded.

“She came to me because she wanted advice. She knows that I like boys, too. Narcissa was confused because apparently she fell in love with a girl and didn’t know how to handle it. She was scared, too, because our families aren’t exactly accepting of other sexualities – or of muggleborn witches. I wasn’t in a good mood and we started argue about our families’ values and she accused me of not following my own advice.” Sirius paused. The he seemed to remember something.

“I didn’t think she meant you when she talked about having a crush on a girl,” Sirius contemplated. “But it could be.”

“Oh, she probably doesn’t,” Lily said shyly and smiled. It wasn’t likely that someone like Narcissa, who came from an old wizarding family that valued purbloods so much, could like her in that way. But then again there was Sirius, who left his families’ obsession with blood purity behind.

“Maybe she did, though,” Sirius said and suddenly grinned. “She did talk about how Druella will be mad when she finds out, not because she likes girls – well, that too – but because the girl Narcissa likes isn’t in Slytherin and a muggleborn witch.”

Lily’s heart started to race and she noticed how her skin got hot. No, she shouldn’t get her hopes up!

When Lily didn’t say anything Sirius turned to her once more and became all quiet and serious for a moment.

“And you really think that Remus could like me back like that?” He then asked. His eyes were gleaming and Lily knew he must be feeling the same excitement as she did.

“As I said, I’m not completely sure, I just told you what Remus said to me the other day,” Lily explained again. The she sighed. “The only way to find out is to ask. That’s what we both have to do now.”

Lily decided to rack up her courage and ask Narcissa right after their next History of Magic class. Narcissa packed up her parchment and quills while chatting to some of her friends. Lily took a deep breath and exchanged a look with Sirius who smiled at her reassuringly. Slowly she made her way over to Narcissa. Lily tried to sound a casual as possible when she greeted the Slytherin students.

“Hi,” she said simply. The Slytherins just looked at her, only Narcissa’s mouth seemed to twitch slightly as if she was trying to suppress a smile.

“Well,” Lily said lamely. “Erm, could I talk to you for a second?” She asked Narcissa. Her friends gave Lily a questioning look.

“Sure,” Narcissa replied and told her friends that she would meet them at their next class. Then she strode over to the other corner of the classroom together with Lily.

“What is it?”, she asked.

Lily looked around and saw that Professor Binns was sleeping at his desk. She waited until the last student had left the room before answering.

“I talked to Sirius about everything.”

“Everything?” Narcissa raised an eyebrow.

“He told me about the argument you had with him,” Lily said and tried to steady her voice that was shaky from her nervousness. Her heart was pounding so fast that Lily thought anyone could hear the sound of it.

“Ah,” was all that Narcissa said. Her eyes lingered on Lily’s and seemed to wait for the other watch to keep talking.

“I know he shouldn’t have done that but –“

“Absolutely! He shouldn’t! He can’t just go around telling everyone about my personal life!” Narcissa interrupted her furiously. Lily was taken aback by her loud outburst and took a step back.

“Yes,” she said quietly. This was exactly what Lily had feared. It had taken her some time to even consider telling Narcissa about her feeling and now it was going so terribly wrong. Lily was about to apologize and retreat to the Gryffindor dormitory to spend some time alone with her sad thoughts when Narcissa’s face suddenly changed. The usually so very well contained emotions surfaced and let her features seem soft and her eyes tired. She walked over to a nearby table and let herself sink on top of it.

“Lily,” Narcissa began. “I always see you in our classes, your red hair gleaming in the afternoon sun, your laugh is contagious and I have to force myself not to smile like a fool when you’re around.” At those words Lily’s mouth fell open and her mind was racing trying to process what she had just heard while her heart tried to store the words forever.

Lily didn’t dare to interrupt Narcissa who continued slowly. “It took me some time to understand that I was developing a crush on you and when it dawned on me I took me even longer to accept my feelings. I didn’t dare talk to my friends about it, they would’ve laughed at me. The past few weeks have been hard for me. Of course, you know about my family’s background. I’m sure Sirius has told you lots about us. They wouldn’t accept it. Me? With another girl? A muggleborn witch from Gryffindor? They would treat me the same way they treat Sirius. I’ve questioned my families’ conviction before but this made me think even more about my own values, my needs, how I see things. Did Sirius really tell you everything about our argument?” Narcissa paused for a moment but Lily wasn’t sure if she expected her to answer.

“Did he tell you that he got mad at me for implying I would break with our families? Just like he did. Sirius told me he didn’t want that kind of life for me.” Narcissa stood up from the table and looked Lily directly in the green eyes.

“Lily, understand this. If I decide to openly date someone who isn’t a pureblood wizard from an ancient family my parents will wreak havoc.” Narcissa said firmly. Lily nodded. She didn’t know what to say. In the back of her mind had always been that voice that had told her _It won’t ever work out between you. Even if she likes you back she won’t be with you because of her family, because of what families like hers stand for._ And Sirius had told her anecdotes about how his mother had gotten mad at him for liking motorcycles because they were muggle artifacts or how she had burned down his posters because they had shown muggles. And these were the harmless incidents. Lily didn’t wish to be the reason why Narcissa would be shunned like that as well.

“Narcissa, you probably have noticed that I have feelings for you, too, but I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or get you into trouble,” Lily explained but was shushed by Narcissa’s bright smile. She had never seen the blonde witch smile like that before. When she spoke the next words her eyes lit up as well.

“Did you listen to what I just said? I’m ready to leave the dusty traditions and prejudices behind. I’m ready to be with you.”

Lily was at a loss of words because of what Narcissa had just told her. Of course, she was happy, excitement was rushing through her and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

“I’m ready, too,” Lily whispered instead.

Narcissa reached for her arm and pulled her close. Green eyes saw blue ones and then their lips met in a kiss filled with beautiful longing and the joy of finally getting to touch the other. Narcissa had placed her arms around Lily’s neck and buried one hand in the long, red hair. Lily smiled as they broke apart to catch their breaths.

When they heard voices coming from outside of the classroom Lily held out a hand to Narcissa.

“Let’s go?” Lily asked.

Narcissa gave her a smirk and took Lily’s hand in hers. Together they made their way out of the room, hand in hand, beaming.

\---

A few weeks later Christmas was right around the corner and the Yule Ball would be held on Christmas Day. Naturally, most students were talking about nothing else. There was a lot of speculation about what band Dumbledore might have hired for their entertainment. But even more important than the music was the task of finding a date for the ball.

When Lily walked into the Great Hall for breakfast that day she found James and Peter sitting on one side of the table with Remus and Sirius opposite of them. Lily smiled cheerfully when she saw, as she sat down next to them, that Sirius hand was resting on Remus leg underneath the table.

“Morning,” she greeted her friends, who wished her a good morning as well, and started to prepare herself a toast with jam.

“What are you discussing?” Lily asked directed at James and Peter. He looked up but his eyes moved over to something behind her.

“Good morning, darling,” she heard a familiar voice behind her and when she turned around she looked into Narcissa’s face. “Am I interrupting you?”

“Oh no, it’s fine,” Lily replied. She knew how much it meant that Narcissa had come over to the Gryffindor table. It wasn’t easy for her to be with Lily in public because her fellow Slytherins weren’t exactly excited about their relationship. She had seen Slytherins giving Narcissa dirty looks in class and she had heard them call her names. Narcissa ignored them as best as she could, with her head held high and Lily at her side. That the students were staying at Hogwarts this Christmas because of the Yule Ball was very convenient for Narcissa since it meant she didn’t have to face her family just yet.

Narcissa bent down to Lily in order to give her a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth.

“So, James, what are you and Peter brooding over?” Lily then asked again.

James grinned. “Well, not everyone is in the privileged position to already have a date for the ball,” he said and looked over to Remus and Sirius. “It’s just Peter and I who still haven’t found someone to accompany us.”

“You better start asking people out then,” Narcissa said. “There aren’t many days left until the ball.”

“Yeah, no need to rub it in,” James said but his eyes were still twinkling with amusement. Lily was happy, that her friends had accepted Narcissa as her girlfriend without any nasty comments. And she was happy, that while she was trying to figure out her feelings she also helped two of her friends come to terms with theirs.

“Maybe I can help you find a partner as well?” Lily said jokingly. “I could open up a match making business.”

“Because you did this all on your own, right?” Sirius teased her. “At least five other people were involved.”  
“Without me, you wouldn’t be with Remus now,” Lily said with a grin.

“First of all,” Remus started and leaned back on Sirius’ shoulder. “I think we have to thank Narcissa for this one.”

“That’s true. If I wasn’t so utterly gorgeous, Lily wouldn’t have fallen for me.” Narcissa said and let her voice sound as arrogant as possible. Lily started to laugh at that and the others joined in.

“To my cousin, then,” Sirius exclaimed with a broad grin on his face and held up his cup of tea.

Lily nodded. “To Cissa!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is up! I hope you enjoyed reading this fic and if you did, I'd be happy to get a comment from you!


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